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The ants

A character in 30 comics.

They are all of us. You included. They fight and make up. They argue and resolve things. They’re not sure how they’re supposed act, so they just try stuff and see how it works out.

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Dreams Come True

Jan 27, 2023

To view this content, you must be a member of Porter's Patreon at $3 or more

How to Talk at a Party

Jan 14, 2023

ANT 1: This party is OK. But this house is a lot smaller than ours. ANT 2: Nicole, honey, that’s not POLITE. Don’t say that.
ANT 1: Oh, sorry, uh… OUR house is a lot NICER than THIS one. ANT 2: NICOLE! Stop it! People can HEAR you!
ANT 1: JEEZ, Michelle! How on earth am I supposed to communicate how ugly this house is?! ANT 2: You are NOT!
ANT 1: So all I can talk about is how dumb their kids are? That seems CRUEL... ANT 2: Please wait in the car.

Best Friend

Nov 20, 2022

Two ants talk in a coffee shop, as a third ant enters and approaches the counter. JIM: Oh! See that guy who just came in? He's one of my best friends. CAL: How long have you known him?
JIM: Years now. We have similar schedules. Similar styles. We like very similar music. We order the same food. It's nice to have someone you're so in sync with.
JIM: Anyway, I should probably introduce myself at some point. CAL: Oh. So...
JIM: I bet his name is Paul... His name SHOULD be Paul. CAL: Well... you know him best.

Return

Jun 22, 2022

CUSTOMER: I would like to return this sweater! CLERK: It has a stain on it.
CUSTOMER: Yes! This sweater is prone to getting stains, and I want to return it! CLERK: You can't do that...
CUSTOMER: YES, I CAN! I AM RIGHT!! THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
CLERK: Wait... we don't even sell this brand here... CUSTOMER: Yes, well, I'd also like to complain about the poor selection at this store.

Quicker

Jun 12, 2022

RABBIT (thinking): These ants are building their hills way quicker than these other ants.
The rabbit stomps the ant hill to oblivion.
RABBIT (thinking): The race is not for the swift.

Other Points of View

Jun 10, 2022

SIENA: No one listens to other points of view anymore, Tarik… TARIK: Yes! Siena, YES!
SIENA: We only take in opinions we already agree with. TARIK: Oh yes, yes, I TOTALLY agree.
SIENA: No, no, don’t AGREE! (sigh) Look, we need to see out new people with different thoughts and ideas… I don’t think we should be friends anymore. TARIK: Oh, but I-
SIENA: TARIK!! It’s for the sake of SOCIETY!! TARIK: Gosh, YES! I mean, NO! But YES!!

Ready to Order

Jun 2, 2022

CASHIER: Let me know when you're ready to order. FAST FOOD CUSTOMER: HA!!! "Ready"? I'll never truly be READY.
FAST FOOD CUSTOMER: At some point, I'll just come to terms with the fact that nothing I order will fill the hold inside of me. I'll realize I'm looking for food to sustain me mentally as well as physically, and that's unreasonable.
CASHIER: WOW. Well... let me know when you... achieve that breakthrough. FAST FOOD CUSTOMER: I WILL.
FAST FOOD CUSTOMER: Are curly fries extra, by the way? CASHIER: They absolutely are.

Over-ordering

Apr 17, 2022

To view this content, you must be a member of Porter's Patreon at $3 or more

Fast Food

Mar 4, 2022

RICHARD: (sigh) They messed up my order.
GERALYN: What?! Richard!! Go back and make them fix it!!
RICHARD: It's no longer fast food at that point, Geralyn.
GERALYN: It's the principle of the thing! You have rights!
RICHARD: I don't have a "right" to crispy chicken sandwiches with no pickles.
GERALYN: Yes you do!! We all do!! Make a stand!!
RICHARD: I could stand to eat fewer crispy chicken sandwiches, is what I could stand.
GERALYN: NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE! NO PICKLES!

Thanks

Feb 16, 2022

Pick a Color

Dec 13, 2021

HELEN: Well, the room WOULD look great in mint green.
ALLAN: Great. Mint green. I truly don't care anymore.
HELEN: But...ugh. Allan, I mean, sweet water blue is SO nice.
ALLAN: Fine! Blue! We've been here THREE HOURS, Helen!
HELEN: UGH, but then there's plum, lilac, Byzantium. Allan... are we not giving enough thought to purples in GENERAL?
ALLAN: I... would like a divorce.
HELEN: AUGH!! Goldenrod, Allan! My God! What about GOLDENROD!!

New

Nov 15, 2021

ROONIE: This anthill is new.
ROONIE: I fear change.

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