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Retail Therapy

Jun 3, 2026

RABBIT: (thinking) Maybe if I buy a lot of stuff, I'll be happy.
Surrounded by boxes and stuffed animals, the rabbit clutches a teddy bear. RABBIT: (thinking) Hmm, no.
The rabbit is now engulfed in a growing pile of toys and boxes. RABBIT: (thinking) Still isn't working.
The pile of purchased items has grown enormous around the rabbit. RABBIT: (thinking) But still... I shouldn't just give up on this.

How Do I Look?

Jun 1, 2026

An ant in an outfit stands before a mirror as another ant looks on. CHRISTOPHER: How do I look in this, Aaron? I won't be mad, just tell me. Do I look AWFUL? Do I look like a hideous BEAST? Like some sad grotesque CREATURE?
CHRISTOPHER: Does this OUTFIT... make me look like... a flea-bitten... mangy... mishapen... MONSTROSITY? Does it?! TELL ME!!!
AARON: (sigh) No... of course not, honey. You look BEAUTIFUL.
CHRISTOPHER: (gasp) You... you HESITATED. I'm calling my mother... AARON: What? I DIDN'T! Christopher! NO! Come BACK here!

Mysterious

May 29, 2026

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Art

May 27, 2026

A bird paints at an easel. BIRD: (thinking) Art can shape MINDS. Art can move MOUNTAINS.
BIRD: (thinking) Art can CHANGE THE WORLD.
BIRD: (thinking) I mean... not THIS art. Dear GOD.
BIRD: (thinking) But, you know... I bet some OTHER art probably...

Pleasant

May 25, 2026

A rabbit and squirrel sit together on a tree branch. RABBIT: So, have you decided if you'll be PLEASANT with me today?
SQUIRREL: Well, yes, I've given it a lot of thought.
UNPROVOKED SHOVE! The squirrel shoves the rabbit off the branch.
SQUIRREL: My answer is no.

Spot the Difference

May 22, 2026

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How Many Times

May 20, 2026

A squirrel looks up at a rabbit who is stuck in a beehive hanging from a tree, surrounded by bees. SQUIRREL: How many times will it take for you to LEARN to not do this?
RABBIT: Well... it's a good question.
RABBIT: And I don't really know.
RABBIT: But it sure seems like I'm going for the record.

Good Day

May 18, 2026

A squirrel and rabbit sit together on a tree branch. SQUIRREL: Are you having a good day?
RABBIT: Well... yeah. I mean, so FAR, I guess.
UNPROVOKED SHOVE! The squirrel shoves the rabbit off the branch.
SQUIRREL: You didn't sound credible!

Tree

May 15, 2026

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Morning Coffee

May 13, 2026

SQUIRREL: (thinking) I love my morning coffee.
SQUIRREL: (thinking) It's a nice, healthy ROUTINE that CENTERS me and gives STRUCTURE to my day.
SQUIRREL: (thinking) Also, it keeps my debilitating caffeine withdrawal symptoms temporarily at bay.
SQUIRREL: (thinking) But let's stay positive and focus on the whole "structure" thing.

Money

May 11, 2026

Two ants sit across a desk from one another. ANT 1: Hey, money isn't EVERYTHING. And it can't buy you HAPPINESS. And you certainly can't take it with you!
ANT 1: And, I mean, look: there is some TRUTH that, you know, money truly is the... ROOT of all... EVIL. You know?
ANT 2: OK...
ANT 2: So I take it you're not approving my mortgage then? ANT 1: I am NOT, no.

Creative Voice

May 7, 2026

To view this content, you must be a member of Porter Mason's Patreon at $5 or more

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