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The ants

A character in 35 comics.

They are all of us. You included. They fight and make up. They argue and resolve things. They’re not sure how they’re supposed act, so they just try stuff and see how it works out.

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How Many Pancakes?

Sep 20, 2023

To view this content, you must be a member of Porter's Patreon at $3 or more

Book Recommendations

Aug 30, 2023

To view this content, you must be a member of Porter's Patreon at $3 or more

Being a Good Listener

Aug 21, 2023

MEL: If I listen to your problems, what do I get in return? PETER: Nothing, Mel! But it'll HELP me, and I'm your FRIEND.
MEL: How about you throw in ten bucks? PETER: This isn't a NEGOTIATION, Mel! MEL: Fine! FINE. (sigh)... Tell me your thing.
PETER: So, Peter gets coffee without me and did I stop drinking caffeine during my cleanse? Yes. But I want to be ASKED. So I confront Peter, and I'm like, "I want to be ASKED." And he's like, "Of COURSE." But I don't think he MEANT it. And I think he THINKS I think he didn't mean it. On top of all of that, Starbucks is TOTALLY anti-union, you know?
MEL: $7.50. Final offer.

Cool

Apr 20, 2023

DAMON: Stacy, if they figure out we don't know anything about cars, they'll take advantage of us. STACY: OK!!
DAMON: So when the salesman comes, act like you know cars. Play it COOL. STACY: Got it!!
SALESMAN: Hi there! You guys interested in this car? STACY: Sir, I INVENTED this car!! And I OWN this company!!
STACY: And you're FIRED!! And I want to speak to your BOSS!! Which is ME!! I... am... car! CAR!! SALESMAN: Wait-... what? DAMON: LESS cool, Stacy.

With Love

Feb 10, 2023

To view this content, you must be a member of Porter's Patreon at $3 or more

Dreams Come True

Jan 27, 2023

To view this content, you must be a member of Porter's Patreon at $3 or more

How to Talk at a Party

Jan 14, 2023

ANT 1: This party is OK. But this house is a lot smaller than ours. ANT 2: Nicole, honey, that’s not POLITE. Don’t say that.
ANT 1: Oh, sorry, uh… OUR house is a lot NICER than THIS one. ANT 2: NICOLE! Stop it! People can HEAR you!
ANT 1: JEEZ, Michelle! How on earth am I supposed to communicate how ugly this house is?! ANT 2: You are NOT!
ANT 1: So all I can talk about is how dumb their kids are? That seems CRUEL... ANT 2: Please wait in the car.

Best Friend

Nov 20, 2022

Two ants talk in a coffee shop, as a third ant enters and approaches the counter. JIM: Oh! See that guy who just came in? He's one of my best friends. CAL: How long have you known him?
JIM: Years now. We have similar schedules. Similar styles. We like very similar music. We order the same food. It's nice to have someone you're so in sync with.
JIM: Anyway, I should probably introduce myself at some point. CAL: Oh. So...
JIM: I bet his name is Paul... His name SHOULD be Paul. CAL: Well... you know him best.

Return

Jun 22, 2022

CUSTOMER: I would like to return this sweater! CLERK: It has a stain on it.
CUSTOMER: Yes! This sweater is prone to getting stains, and I want to return it! CLERK: You can't do that...
CUSTOMER: YES, I CAN! I AM RIGHT!! THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
CLERK: Wait... we don't even sell this brand here... CUSTOMER: Yes, well, I'd also like to complain about the poor selection at this store.

Quicker

Jun 12, 2022

RABBIT (thinking): These ants are building their hills way quicker than these other ants.
The rabbit stomps the ant hill to oblivion.
RABBIT (thinking): The race is not for the swift.

Other Points of View

Jun 10, 2022

SIENA: No one listens to other points of view anymore, Tarik… TARIK: Yes! Siena, YES!
SIENA: We only take in opinions we already agree with. TARIK: Oh yes, yes, I TOTALLY agree.
SIENA: No, no, don’t AGREE! (sigh) Look, we need to see out new people with different thoughts and ideas… I don’t think we should be friends anymore. TARIK: Oh, but I-
SIENA: TARIK!! It’s for the sake of SOCIETY!! TARIK: Gosh, YES! I mean, NO! But YES!!

Ready to Order

Jun 2, 2022

CASHIER: Let me know when you're ready to order. FAST FOOD CUSTOMER: HA!!! "Ready"? I'll never truly be READY.
FAST FOOD CUSTOMER: At some point, I'll just come to terms with the fact that nothing I order will fill the hold inside of me. I'll realize I'm looking for food to sustain me mentally as well as physically, and that's unreasonable.
CASHIER: WOW. Well... let me know when you... achieve that breakthrough. FAST FOOD CUSTOMER: I WILL.
FAST FOOD CUSTOMER: Are curly fries extra, by the way? CASHIER: They absolutely are.

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