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The ants

A character in 43 comics.

They are all of us. You included. They fight and make up. They argue and resolve things. They’re not sure how they’re supposed act, so they just try stuff and see how it works out.

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How Do I Look?

Jun 1, 2026

An ant in an outfit stands before a mirror as another ant looks on. CHRISTOPHER: How do I look in this, Aaron? I won't be mad, just tell me. Do I look AWFUL? Do I look like a hideous BEAST? Like some sad grotesque CREATURE?
CHRISTOPHER: Does this OUTFIT... make me look like... a flea-bitten... mangy... mishapen... MONSTROSITY? Does it?! TELL ME!!!
AARON: (sigh) No... of course not, honey. You look BEAUTIFUL.
CHRISTOPHER: (gasp) You... you HESITATED. I'm calling my mother... AARON: What? I DIDN'T! Christopher! NO! Come BACK here!

Money

May 11, 2026

Two ants sit across a desk from one another. ANT 1: Hey, money isn't EVERYTHING. And it can't buy you HAPPINESS. And you certainly can't take it with you!
ANT 1: And, I mean, look: there is some TRUTH that, you know, money truly is the... ROOT of all... EVIL. You know?
ANT 2: OK...
ANT 2: So I take it you're not approving my mortgage then? ANT 1: I am NOT, no.

Dreams

Apr 24, 2026

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Passion Fruits

Mar 4, 2026

Two ants are in the fruit section of a grocery store. CUSTOMER: Excuse me, are these passion fruits fresh? EMPLOYEE: Well, not exactly...
CUSTOMER: Good GOD! Don't give me that mealy mouth answer! Im tired of this "C.Y.A." DOUBLE SPEAK!
CUSTOMER: You're not a CORPORATION! I won't hold you LIABLE. Just be a PERSON and tell me: ARE... THESE... PASSION FRUITS... FRESH?!
EMPLOYEE: Those passion fruits are plastic display samples. CUSTOMER: All right! Se then "no"! Was that so HARD?

The Holidays

Dec 18, 2024

SETH: Are you traveling for the holidays? JOHNNY: NO. I never get caught up with all the LEMMINGS stuck in traffic.
SETH: So you're going somewhere local? JOHNNY: WHAT? And fight the IDIOTS doing their shopping? No no no, I'm staying put!
SETH: So are people coming by you? JOHNNY: HA! I don't have time to decorate and host and put on a SHOW for everyone!
SETH: So you'll be shut inside. Isolated. Joyless. And alone. JOHNNY: Yes... Just as God INTENDED.

Receipt

Jun 19, 2024

HARRIET THE ANT: Don’t throw that receipt away! Keep it for your RECORDS! DONALD THE ANT: No, Harriet, you’re hoarding. I don’t need this for my “records.” Peanut M&Ms are not a tax write-off.
HARRIET: But you might want to REMEMBER this moment! For SENTIMENT! DONALD: We’re at a gas station on the way home from my colonoscopy.
HARRIET: What about… what about your LEGACY, Donald?! Huh?! What about HISTORY? What if you become PRESIDENT?!
DONALD: I’m a 85-year-old retired propane salesman, Harriet. I think that ship has sailed. HARRIET (who is now digging through the gas station trash can looking for the receipt): Your presidential LIBRARY, Donald!! MY GOD, THINK OF THE LIBRARY!!!

Stuffing

Dec 23, 2023

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Expensive

Nov 3, 2023

WESLEY: Why are we even in this store, Vicky? It's too expensive. VICKY: I'm just BROWSING, Wesley.
WESLEY: I just saw a five-inch throw pillow on SALE for $175! We can't afford ANY of this! VICKY: Not TODAY! But one day! ONE DAY!
VICKY: One day, Wesley, I will be so successful that these prices will seem REASONABLE to me! I am PREPARING for that day! I am preparing for my FUTURE success!
VICKY: I am trying to be the change I want to see in the world! One scented candle at a time! WESLEY: Good God, this napkin ring is $72.50!

How Many Pancakes?

Sep 20, 2023

To view this content, you must be a member of Porter Mason's Patreon at $5 or more

Book Recommendations

Aug 30, 2023

To view this content, you must be a member of Porter Mason's Patreon at $5 or more

Being a Good Listener

Aug 21, 2023

MEL: If I listen to your problems, what do I get in return? PETER: Nothing, Mel! But it'll HELP me, and I'm your FRIEND.
MEL: How about you throw in ten bucks? PETER: This isn't a NEGOTIATION, Mel! MEL: Fine! FINE. (sigh)... Tell me your thing.
PETER: So, Peter gets coffee without me and did I stop drinking caffeine during my cleanse? Yes. But I want to be ASKED. So I confront Peter, and I'm like, "I want to be ASKED." And he's like, "Of COURSE." But I don't think he MEANT it. And I think he THINKS I think he didn't mean it. On top of all of that, Starbucks is TOTALLY anti-union, you know?
MEL: $7.50. Final offer.

Cool

Apr 20, 2023

DAMON: Stacy, if they figure out we don't know anything about cars, they'll take advantage of us. STACY: OK!!
DAMON: So when the salesman comes, act like you know cars. Play it COOL. STACY: Got it!!
SALESMAN: Hi there! You guys interested in this car? STACY: Sir, I INVENTED this car!! And I OWN this company!!
STACY: And you're FIRED!! And I want to speak to your BOSS!! Which is ME!! I... am... car! CAR!! SALESMAN: Wait-... what? DAMON: LESS cool, Stacy.

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